To Whom it May Concern (A Cover Letter’s Lament)

April 12, 2011

Dear Sir or Ma’am,

Please excuse the emotional nature of this note, as I am writing to you in fear that I am dying.  Murdered to be exact, and I am, if well written, precise.

I would blame Technology but it has no control over what’s inscribed and sent.  It intended to help, not bastardize a respectful and necessary process.   I can hear the Twitters laughing behind my back; that I am old, overrated. No one wastes time reading long text.  They move straight on to the attachments.

Still, it defies belief that you want your first contact with a prospective employer to be: “Look at this and then call me.”   I understand the date may be redundant in an email.  But the Salutation?  The expression of interest in the opportunity?  A mention of gratitude?  The Closing?

Surely, you are thinking, I exaggerate. It is, nevertheless, all too true.  In a small sampling, over 70% lacked multiple elements.  They are torturous to read.

I grow tired and did not intend to lecture you, as I am sure of your esteem and know that you would never send such a missive.  Again, I beg your pardon, but I am afraid.  It is a reflection of my age, but I fail to understand why faster and easier encourages laziness. Soon they may abandon my teaching all together.  I implore you to not let this happen.

Respectfully Submitted,

C. Letter

P.S.  Your computer is equipped with an automatic device which can correct errors in spelling.


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